ABOUT MY STORY
Hello, there! I hope everybody is fine. I am back home from Cefalonia (so sad!). Since I returned home, I've been constantly studying for my University exams and therefore I didnt't have much time to post anything here. However, there's a thought that's going on my mind since summer: about my story.
As you might know, I used to write a story, about a fictional musician, Stefan. However about a year and a half ago, I completely stopped writing that story, although I'd promised not to change or leave it again anymore. There were already so many changes on it, since I graduated from High School, that those constant changes had started to make me feel really exhausted. Thus I had to give it a specific form. Until Easter 2017, all I was writing was that Stefan was a pessimist, depressed person, who was writing music and poetry only to tell people how awful his life was. He was kind of lonely soul, like some dark poets that would be relieved only if they commited suicide. In other words, the deepest meaning of my story was that Stefan was too ungrateful for being alive and asked people to feel compassionate towards him through his art.
After Easter 2017, though, something happened and I didn't want to write anymore about that story. Was it a writer's block? Just boredom? Well, something between. There was a major change in my life at that time. I started to appreciate things as they were and realise many of my actions. I realised that Stefan was actually my own personality, though in a male version. I never understood why my soul dreamer would be a boy, though. And funnily enough, the gender didn't bother me at that time. I soon realised that the one who was feeling like that was ME. It was all about me. Feelings weren't only about low self-esteem, but I had much more personal problems. Anyway.
Soon, I realised that I was starting to change as a person, after this major change. But Stefan was the same depressed person in my story. And thus I didn't feel any connection towards him, that's why I abandoned my story. Stefan started to slightly fade away. There were also a few times, when I sat down and tried to continue the story, but nothing came out. It was like everything stopped for me. I even started writing a fantasy story about a fairy, which I keep going, but I couldn't write anything more about Stefan. Nor did I want to. That's why I said it was both boredom and a writer's block. And at first, I couldn't understand that I had changed so much as a person....
However, this summer, my best friend travelled with me to Cefalonia. For those who don't know, she was the first who encouraged me to continue my story, back when we were at school. During the journey, I told her I wanted to continue my story. And I really wanted. In Cefalonia, I tried to write something, but there were a few problems, which I didn't really pay attention to. Wrong! This afternoon, I picked a pen and paper and started writing. However, again I couldn't write anything. I had a huge problem. First I couldn't keep on writing on the same pattern. I didn't want to write about a depressed poet. Back in school, my story was about a united band (not a lonely poet), who were having a good time with each other, writing music and travelling and they were trying to revolt against stereotypes and clichés. Stefan was a guy, who didn't care about people's bad comments and always tried to be revolutionary and different. The band sounded more like a 1970s prog rock band, rather than a contemporary one. This was the kind of story I used to write after "my life had been saved", when I was listening to Alan Parson Project (see: http://thecinemasoul.blogspot.com/2018/08/my-love-for-poetry.html). But when I got to University, my story developed into this depressive thing that I don't like anymore. To conclude what I'm trying to say, my character resembles more my "sweet 16, Edgar Allan Poe" era and that's how I'd like my story to develop, if I decide to start with it again. No more begging for pity, nor escape. (The latter means that I enjoy my life, as it is and I don't want to think of myself in fantasy worlds).
Secondly, the gender is a problem. Why should it be Stefan? I mean, Stefan, as the main hero exists for more than 10 years. How can I turn him into a girl? That's impossible. But then again, writing about a boy's life doesn't express me at all. I know, I said before that I don't want to write my feelings anymore, but how can you write a story, which you are not related to? This is simply a boring story. Stefan has to cease being Stefan. He has to become a girl, otherwise I cannot write anything. But...again a change? How many more changes? This starts to get boring.
That's why I wrote that post. And by this, I plead anyone who has read that post to comment. No matter if you follow my blog or if you just came across this post, anyone who reads it, please write below in the comments whether a) I shall turn this story into a "revolutionary" one or keep on writing about this depressive poet with low self-esteem and b) does Stefan have to become a girl and express better how I am?
Please comment. I'd really appreciate this <3 <3
As you might know, I used to write a story, about a fictional musician, Stefan. However about a year and a half ago, I completely stopped writing that story, although I'd promised not to change or leave it again anymore. There were already so many changes on it, since I graduated from High School, that those constant changes had started to make me feel really exhausted. Thus I had to give it a specific form. Until Easter 2017, all I was writing was that Stefan was a pessimist, depressed person, who was writing music and poetry only to tell people how awful his life was. He was kind of lonely soul, like some dark poets that would be relieved only if they commited suicide. In other words, the deepest meaning of my story was that Stefan was too ungrateful for being alive and asked people to feel compassionate towards him through his art.
After Easter 2017, though, something happened and I didn't want to write anymore about that story. Was it a writer's block? Just boredom? Well, something between. There was a major change in my life at that time. I started to appreciate things as they were and realise many of my actions. I realised that Stefan was actually my own personality, though in a male version. I never understood why my soul dreamer would be a boy, though. And funnily enough, the gender didn't bother me at that time. I soon realised that the one who was feeling like that was ME. It was all about me. Feelings weren't only about low self-esteem, but I had much more personal problems. Anyway.
Soon, I realised that I was starting to change as a person, after this major change. But Stefan was the same depressed person in my story. And thus I didn't feel any connection towards him, that's why I abandoned my story. Stefan started to slightly fade away. There were also a few times, when I sat down and tried to continue the story, but nothing came out. It was like everything stopped for me. I even started writing a fantasy story about a fairy, which I keep going, but I couldn't write anything more about Stefan. Nor did I want to. That's why I said it was both boredom and a writer's block. And at first, I couldn't understand that I had changed so much as a person....
However, this summer, my best friend travelled with me to Cefalonia. For those who don't know, she was the first who encouraged me to continue my story, back when we were at school. During the journey, I told her I wanted to continue my story. And I really wanted. In Cefalonia, I tried to write something, but there were a few problems, which I didn't really pay attention to. Wrong! This afternoon, I picked a pen and paper and started writing. However, again I couldn't write anything. I had a huge problem. First I couldn't keep on writing on the same pattern. I didn't want to write about a depressed poet. Back in school, my story was about a united band (not a lonely poet), who were having a good time with each other, writing music and travelling and they were trying to revolt against stereotypes and clichés. Stefan was a guy, who didn't care about people's bad comments and always tried to be revolutionary and different. The band sounded more like a 1970s prog rock band, rather than a contemporary one. This was the kind of story I used to write after "my life had been saved", when I was listening to Alan Parson Project (see: http://thecinemasoul.blogspot.com/2018/08/my-love-for-poetry.html). But when I got to University, my story developed into this depressive thing that I don't like anymore. To conclude what I'm trying to say, my character resembles more my "sweet 16, Edgar Allan Poe" era and that's how I'd like my story to develop, if I decide to start with it again. No more begging for pity, nor escape. (The latter means that I enjoy my life, as it is and I don't want to think of myself in fantasy worlds).
Secondly, the gender is a problem. Why should it be Stefan? I mean, Stefan, as the main hero exists for more than 10 years. How can I turn him into a girl? That's impossible. But then again, writing about a boy's life doesn't express me at all. I know, I said before that I don't want to write my feelings anymore, but how can you write a story, which you are not related to? This is simply a boring story. Stefan has to cease being Stefan. He has to become a girl, otherwise I cannot write anything. But...again a change? How many more changes? This starts to get boring.
That's why I wrote that post. And by this, I plead anyone who has read that post to comment. No matter if you follow my blog or if you just came across this post, anyone who reads it, please write below in the comments whether a) I shall turn this story into a "revolutionary" one or keep on writing about this depressive poet with low self-esteem and b) does Stefan have to become a girl and express better how I am?
Please comment. I'd really appreciate this <3 <3
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